‘I wanna be beautiful’
Mohini Madhavi devi dasi: How often you shout at your friends not to tag you on Facebook photos?
Did you ever had thoughts of wearing burka?
Did you ever fasted to loose weight & then after 1-2 days because of hunger ate whole fridge then sat & wept?
If you practice spirituality, did ever your yearning for God increase seeing a fresh line on your face?
Or did you once went out with your beloved. You both enjoyed & captured lots of photos. Both of you were so happy. But the next day you saw your photos to remember the previous day but found universe loosing its light for you? Just because you were not looking BEAUTIFUL in those photos and videos?
…
If some of these things happened to you then we are birds in a similar cage.
According to statistics, about 18 million people in US suffer out of depression considering their looks imperfect.
To look beautiful & fit is everyone’s desire not only girls. Once when I was listening Srimad Bhagavatam class of a senior Vaishnav in ISKCON Mumbai I remember he told that even some of Brahmacharis, who are renounced of material activities, have desire to look handsome.
Then what to speak of us - 100% girls???
In order to become beautiful we do so much, oh my God!
I personally cannot walk here & there if I do not have kajal in my eyes at least.
One of my friends decorates her body so nicely & captures her own photos. Her profile photo on Facebook & whats app may change 7 to 8 times a day.
Another friend selects the most successful photos to her profile that in real life You think 'is this my friend or?’
Sometimes my husband captures my photo professionally. He tells me to look a side, to turn little left, then right, then little up then little down; then tells to smile, when I smile tells not show my teeth; when I close my teeth he says 'why are you making your face as if you ate a sour fruit?’; in this way after half an hour one photo!!! And in anticipation I look at it!!!
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHO IS THIS BABA YAGA?'…
Obviously, I won’t upload that photo on Facebook.
'Facebook & Whats app are only for the best photos :)’
One of my friends is above 35. But if You look at her face You won’t find a single line. How come? Oh yes, every 6 months she does botox so that when she smiles her skin doesn’t move in this way she won’t have wrinkles.
Another friend even wanted to cut her legs and by doing plastic surgery to become taller enough so that she can participate in Miss Universe.
The writing of this list may go up to the end of Kali Yuga or up to the next Satya Yuga.
Do You know, which Yatra was the most ecstatic for me? It was when we went to Govardhan with 5000 Devotees. That time I used carry my foundation cream, lipstick, kajal, black and pink eye shadows in my small purse. Because my friends were so kind they used to inspire me always saying 'I look so beautiful’. That is why I was so confident, so friendly & cheerful.
While doing Govardhan parikrama I was thinking every half an hour if my kajal didn’t get smudged; if I still look nice…This was my ITBC (Internal Thought of Beauty Consciousness) not ISKCON (International Society for Krsna Consciousness).
But one day I got a revelation!
We were staying at dormitory with 8 girls in one room. Dormitory was so austere that bathroom was outside of our room. It was even austere that there was no mirror inside the bathroom.
Mirror was outside in the courtyard where light of the Sun shine was so bright. After taking bath I looked at my face in that mirror.
Can you imagine what I saw? The thing which I saw completely changed my life. It increased amount of my surrender to the Supreme Personality of Godhead Krsna; It gave me so much detachment from these material world; worldly relationships, friendships…; Seeing that, I have almost decided to live life of a renounced brahmacarini and fully dedicate my life for serving God…Later in the evening, Kirtan also was ecstatic; just remembering that thing, which I saw in the mirror, I simple shouted the Holy Names, danced like a mad girl. Seeing me my friends also started jumping and shouting.
-'Ah! It was ecstatic Yatra!’
And the reason was a wrinkle in both sides of my mouth.
In this way no single person is satisfied with their looks in this world. Even if one person is satisfied he or she will get old. Will she like herself getting old?
I have a Chinese face cut and I think my face looks flat from side angle, which I am not satisfied. Some girls think they are too fat; Some think their eyes are too small and thin; some think they look short; some think they look dark; some hate pimples;
The reason is, this world is created to cause us pain. There is no other reason than this.
In the other hand, if one is beautiful she may become proud and misuse their beauty. Most handsome boys will have hundreds of girl friends; Most beautiful girls will be the object of sense gratification for many men. Or they become actresses and play in the roles which induce others into sinful life.
So sometimes modest look may be a blessing. Also there is a saying “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. You cannot satisfy with your looks everyone in this world. But there will be a single person who will adore You and consider You the most gorgeous person in whole creation. For that person You can try Your best not for all.
It is true, beauty is an opulence. Person gets a beautiful body because in his past lives he did beautiful things for others. We also call it as 'one has a pious karma’. Beautiful person may become ugly in next life & ugly person may become beautiful in next life. But the point is, we get what we deserve. And if someone wants to get rid of this cycle of happiness & suffering one should understand one thing:
I am not this material body but a soul.
Soul is ever beautiful. It means You are beautiful - a Reader! Only this body made of 5 gross & 3 subtle elements is covering Your original beauty.
Yes, we can take care of the cleanliness, health, simple looks of this body but to be obsessed with its faults is wrong consciousness which will lead us to depression.
We think 'A’ girl is beautiful but 'A’ girl also thinks herself ugly. Because soul is far beautiful, it cannot be satisfied with the looks of this material body, no matter how beautiful body we have.
To overcome this depression we should be concentrating on good things we have and good things we can do for others and of course endeavor to come out of this cycle of birth and death by calling out:
Hare Krsna Hare Krsna Krsna Krsna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare
Thank You!
Maral (Mohini Madhavi)