From a Russian jail.
I worked as a senior flight attendant with a good salary and roamed freely around the world. I had a beautiful pregnant woman and everything seemed complete, but in my heart I felt a terrible emptiness.
The world had no attraction, as nothing made me happy. I started to smoke marijuana and take drugs. The grass and drugs made me feel better for a while, but finally began to make me feel worse. With all my strength I tried to abandon drugs, but I could not. The grass held me in her arms, and I did not have the strength to leave her.
One morning I got up and began to pray: “O Lord, in my life, nothing brings me joy, though you have given me everything I wanted. I am very unhappy. As a child I was happy! Please let me feel that way again and again!”
In my head I listened to a clear thought: “It will not be easy.”
I prayed earnestly and understood that I will have to pay quite a price.
Two months later the friend who supplied me drugs was seized by the police on the street, and to save himself, he told the police where I lived. Police found drugs in my house, and my “friend” was released on bail, after which he fled to another country and the whole case crashed down on me.
Suddenly I found myself in jail. The investigators denounced me, and I could not prove I was only taking drugs. Although an expensive lawyer was employed, I got a ten-year sentence for what I’d not done.
Now I know that this was a plan of Krishna’s, but then I did not understand it. Because Maya would not let me go, this was how Krishna cut my attachments.
In prison, Krishna began to send me the books of Srila Prabhupada.
Another detainee gave me the Bhagavad-gita and said: “This is the most valuable book for you.”
I read a few pages, but understood nothing and instead began to read gospels in the Bible. I read a lot about Christianity, but felt frustrated, as I had many unanswered questions. I had the feeling that something was hidden from people seeking God.
After six months in prison my condition was horrible. My relatives accused me. I felt bad. But Krishna took care of me and created a new situation.
Among the many books in the library I chose the Science of Self Realization.
I devoured the book. I reached the end and wanted more of these books, and knowing that I was in jail, I was very upset.
But Krishna continued manifesting through the librarian. She brought new books. Among them was Srila Prabhupada’s biography. I jumped for joy. For the first time I felt happy in jail! Reading it, I totally fell in love with Krishna and my dear Srila Prabhupada with all my heart and soul.
And this was not the end. All-attractive Krishna didn’t stop there,
knowing that I wanted to know more and more about Him. He sent a prisoner who had the First Canto of Srimad Bhagavatam. I could not believe my eyes.
After three days, the new prisoner was moved to another cell but let me keep the book. At that moment I understood that I hold in my hands the very same Krishna I had been reading about. I studied the book very carefully, taking detailed notes. I did not understand it all, but tried to assimilate every last word, stretching out in time the pleasure of reading, knowing that I had no more books of Srila Prabhupada.
I tried to get more books. I asked my mother, the only person who helped me, to please get me more books about Krishna. But she refused, because she was a sworn Christian. Later, I felt the presence of Krishna, and a week after that my mom agreed! I ordered five books. Amazingly Krishna convinced my mother. I knew that to change her mind was practically impossible.
I started to tell her with all my heart about the inspiration of Krishna, quoting Srila Prabhupada. She listened with interest.
Krishna gave me this knowledge, and I began to search on the internet for a guru. I grew to love Krishna with all my heart.
Reading about Him and His devotees and companions, I did not feel that I am in prison, because I constantly thought about him, and thus He did not leave my head.
I feel immense pleasure when I speak to other people about Krishna. Echoing japa, I smile.
I started to feel disgusted with the meat I ate.
Sometimes remembering where I am, I feel worried because I don’t know what awaits me in the future. Krishna took away everything. But then I think about Him again, and I become happy.
Now some questions torture me that I have no answer for. Why did they give me so many years, if even only one year was enough so that I never forget Krishna.
* * *
Bhakti Vijnana Goswami answered:
My dear friend, Krishna not in vain gave you ten years in prison, because if you got freedom now, you would lose everything. When you truly accept Krishna in your heart, his name can delete all other samskaras and free you from all material desires. This depends on only one condition: understanding that in this world nothing else can save me. Not money, wealth, wife, home,
doctors … nothing. Srila Prabhupada says that this condition is true humility. We are looking for protection, but only Krishna can protect us. If we love Krishna, He will come to us! Here we see how Krishna came to you in the form of the wonderful books by and about Srila Prabhupada!”