By Bhurijana dasa
One fundamental requirement for active listening is the capacity to suspend the judging-propensity. Resist the temptation to immediately offer words of advice or throw out pat preachy lines. The general rule is to not advice unless you are quite sure the listener wishes to accept your words: “advice only when hired” is a saying used by professional counselors in this connection. Instructing one who is disturbed is usually not effective because the troubled person's turbulent mind will not allow him to hear. It is often better to wait until the person's emotions subside. This often happens quickly and naturally when he feels understood. Active listening is a powerful preaching tool: it warms the relation, it lets you know what “they are at”, it lets you enter their life by them opening up to you (while keeping, in a sense, above). People really appreciate when you want to hear what they have to say: many people go on all their life without experiencing it. Another analogy is “shot-gun” and “laser” preaching: when you know what is going on in someone’s mind your advice becomes more focused, more pointed, you know what to shoot for. Active listening is also useful in book distribution, it can defuse a tense situation in few seconds.